My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
