so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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