Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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