Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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