He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
