I skipped work to stalk him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
