I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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