when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
