I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize