Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
