So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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