i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
