He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
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When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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