So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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