I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize