Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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