im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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