He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
