a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
