it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
