no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
