I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
