btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
