There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
