is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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