Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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