And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
