well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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