remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize