worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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