Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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