It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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