i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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