You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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