You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
