I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
