The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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