one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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