I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
