apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize