I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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