I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
