Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
