Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
