the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
