Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
