Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
