I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Randomize
