Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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