i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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