If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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