mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
