I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
