my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
