Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
