My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
