i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
