Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
