sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
